It's funny how my brain works.

I just reread my last entry in which I said we are no where near a point where we could buy a house.

Ha. Alan's in the process of closing on one. WELP. I am so used to second guessing this kind of stuff, it just gets silly sometimes. Alan's doing this all on his own since he can manage it and it awards him a grant w/out my income added in. We're not married yet, so there's no requirement for us to do so.

Have started to really start some forward movement on my wedding plans, all our crew members have been asked to join our ships, and I've even bought some wedding books and started collecting ideas. I saw a great episode of My Fair Wedding with David Tutera in which he planned a pirate wedding. The dress & all the meat of the episode was hardly piratey at all in my opinion, but the reception he designed was SPOT ON for the look I'm going for, so I'm going to be trying to get some screen caps of that from netflix so I can start collecting materials to make it similar. I've already collected a few other ideas I had as well, so I feel like I'm moving in the right direction now. Rich jewel tones are def the direction I am aiming.

The benefits of this being my 2nd go at planning a wedding means this has become something I know my way around a bit more than I did my first time. I'm in no rush, as mentioned before, but I'd really like to secure a venue. I kind of asked Alan to take charge of that, and so far he has yet to do it. I bought him a book called "Groomology" because I'd sure like him to be more helpful and involved than X was! He's been pretty involved so far, but that's not saying much for how little we've done. He did sit down and watch the TV episode with me, though. Poor guy, I was expecting a much cooler lead up, but I think he enjoyed seeing the reception as much as I did.


I think I was worried about asking the 3 bridesmaids that were also in my previous wedding because it seemed like such a burden, but all of them have been very gracious. One has a possible complication that could keep her from taking part, but she made it clear she wanted to. This warmed my heart. No matter how much I convince myself I'm a burden, that I'm damaged, my friends remind me how much they love me. The fact that I am still friends with a lot of the same people I've been friends with since childhood warms my heart and gives me hope that they obviously see something worthwhile in me, so I ought to see what they see. :) And the new bridesmaids are a testament to people still finding me worth their time to forge new friendships with, to put their trust in. Thanks so much to all of you. <3 You give me such strength.