Love is probably the most talked about feeling in our society. Whether we love a person, an idea, a lifestyle, or even a food. There's lots of forms love takes, there's so many ways to look at it.
But that's not what I came back after so long of not writing to say.
I've talked before about how love is work. But now I'm here to elaborate. All relationships take work and sacrifice and pain. But they also provide you with a soft place to land, a happy home, a good feeling and self-esteem.
Nothing worth having is easy.
Recently there's been a lot of upheaval happening around me in many different areas of my life. Luckily Alan has been the rock-solid foundation I need to deal with it, but that doesn't mean I'm not affected by it all.
Here's another thing not a lot of people want to talk about. Marriage kinda sucks sometimes. And that's part of the whole package deal. Sometimes two people just get so sick of each other's shit, and it's hard to see yourself ever working past it. But guess what? It's entirely possible. Of course, as this is a blog about living after divorce, I'm well aware that some relationships aren't worth saving. But I think very frequently we all have this idea of marriage being super happy and lovey and even sexy. And we all have ideas about what friendships should look like too. For women (or people perceived and/or raised as women), this usually includes *tee hee* shopping, and wine, and bitching about things! For men (or people perceived and/or raised as men), this is usually more activity based. Watching sports, grunting, playing games, etc. I'm here to tell you all of these ideas of relationships are misleading. Women need to be supported. And they need to support each other. But they also need to call each other out. When something isn't right, we have to hold our friends accountable. And men need emotional support from their friends. They need more than someone to shoot hoops with. And marriages need to be partnerships more than they are romances.
The romantic aspect of all relationships, platonic or otherwise, is very much important and should not be overlooked. I 100% believe we sometimes forget to continue courting our partners, friends included. But you can't do that without a solid foundation and safe place to do so. Criticism, when done respectfully, comes from a place of love. Calling out your friends or partner or whoever, comes from a place of knowing they can do better, that they deserve better. True love is continuing to love someone even when you disagree with their choices. "The duty of a good friend is to stand by our friends, even when they are wrong. Especially when they are wrong."
Relationships take sacrifice. They take communication. They take love. They take understanding.
Sometimes when things aren't going well, it's easy to assume they will never be ok again. But I'm here to tell you that long term relationships have ebbs and flows. Just because it sucks now doesn't mean it's always going to suck. It's good to know when it's time to quit and move on, but there's also something to be said for committing to and seeing something through. And if you have the ability to fix something that is so important to you, why wouldn't you? The other day, I reached out to a friend I haven't spoken to in over 4 years. And it was amazing. The whole day was lit up for me, and absolutely reassured me that love does not disappear. It will take work for us to regain lost ground and maybe someday work back to where we were. But it'll be worth it if we can. I only wish we could have done this in the first place. If you still have the chance to save it, do it. Don't ignore their cries for help. Don't discount their feelings. Life is never easy. But it is easier when you have a dependable team, a dependable partner, dependable friends. Love is powerful. It's easy to ignore when something new and shiny comes into our lives. But it's all about choice. Love is a choice. And that is it's power.
