Saturday, August 25, 2012

Does he have your back?

Tonight has been eye opening and frustrating, but the best thing that I have learned is about Alan. When we started dating, Alan wasn't what I'd call assertive, or vocal about his political or other beliefs. And this didn't bother me. I'm loud and opinionated, but I know not everyone is, nor that everyone agrees. Over time, Alan and I found ourselves agreeing on many ideas and beliefs, and the longer we've been together the more vocal he's become.

For a while now, I've been concerned that some of my posts and the discussions that ensue will alienate some of his family, but I've always done my best to at least try to be civil and unoffensive. I think intelligent discourse, even if no one changes their mind, is one of the best ways to learn. But apparently this was too offensive for two of Alan's family members. His ensuing rage and jump to my defense was one of the sweetest thing I've ever seen, and the first time a guy has really been so concerned about that kind of thing. I have a true partner and knight, and he is wonderful at it. I sometimes take for granted all the changes Alan has made in the last two years and how much he has grown. I do my best to challenge him and he exceeds it every time. And now I know he has my back, we're fighting on the same team, and always will. He's beautiful, and I can't express how in love with him I am.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

I'm going to get a little political.

I realize that this isn't exactly in line with the overall theme of the blog, but please, bear with me.
This is the last post I will make about the most recent Chick-ful-hate debacle.

When Alan & I happened to drive by the local one yesterday and saw all those people supporting hatred and bigotry, I actually started crying in the car. My heart dropped and I just cried. This country is always trying so hard to oppress someone or some group because they are different and don't fall into their definition of normal, and it crushes me every time I realize that I will have to explain to my kids why these kinds of things happen. I am so disappointed in anyone who is still opposed to gay marriage. I don't CARE what your personal beliefs are. I respect them, but if you can't respect someone else's personal beliefs, then you are just assuming that you are the all-knowing authority on what is right and what is moral. Just calling yourself a Christian doesn't make you the most high & mighty. Truly, truly think about what your Christ taught, think hard about how embarrassed he would be if he saw you all acting this way and denying someone's rights. I truly hope you reflect on that as you eat your hate-funded chicken.

I am living, breathing, working, and happy proof that there is no "sanctity" of marriage in this country. Straight men and women everywhere walk out on their wives and husbands daily, and others cheat daily, and even more just straight up don't get married. And X certainly didn't feel there was anything sacred about our marriage since he left me, shacked up with this other woman and rushed our divorce so he could be with her guilt free. Then married her less than 2 years after our divorce. Sacred? Ha. Marriage is a personal choice. It's not a government's right to tell me who to marry anymore. When X left me, and I decided to date Ian, I became acutely aware of how much hate is still left in this country. And ours was a hetero relationship. It was, however, interracial. I was aware of racism, I had just moved back to my hometown after living in Cincinnati for 3 years, and the tension there is still palpable. But I was never truly faced with it until I decided to walk around in public *gasp* holding hands with a black man. EVEN KISSING HIM FOR SHAAAAAAME. And while I was never embarrassed to be seen with him, I was embarrassed for people when they stared. I had a difficult discussion with Ian at the time about what racism was and I couldn't even begin to understand what he had been through until we were in public together. And even that is nowhere near the level of racism he and other black Americans faced and continue to face every day. And ours would have been considered a legal marriage had it gone that route. So excuse me if I call out exactly what all this "anti-gay marriage" bullshit is. It's bigotry. You are denying someone else's rights based on something that makes them different. It's fearful and ignorant. Bigots.
You don't want to be called that because it's a filthy, ugly word. And that's how you know you are one, because you're afraid to accept that you could be bigoted, so you hide behind your Christian morals, your traditional values.

And now people want to throw every excuse in the book at me about why gay marriage shouldn't be legalized. "What if two guys just got married to reap the tax benefits?" So what? I'm sure there are straight couples that do it now. Hell, here's a little known fact! I once had a male roommate suggest that we get married to get tax benefits, and keep it a secret so that we could continue to date other people. We had no interest in dating each other, but he suggested it anyways. How sanctimonious is that? And besides, the marriage law doesn't state that you have to marry each other out of love, since I'm sure hundreds of marriages are based on things other than love. (Fear, unplanned pregnancy, financial need.) You going to start judging every marriage based on how sacred it is? The government has some pretty loose restrictions on what a marriage is, it just can't be between two people of the same sex, because *GASP* they're GAY. Gay people aren't any different than the rest of us. They feel the same pain, they feel the same joy. They have kids, and pets, and houses. Some like dolls, some like motorcycles, some believe in the Christian god, and some don't believe in any. Some struggle daily to make ends meet and some have made quite a bit of money for themselves. They come from all over the globe, and right around your corner. Gay people love and hate and fear and triumph just like the rest of us. In fact, I vote we abolish the word gay. There are no gay or straight people. We are all just people. And strip us all down to our naked bodies and minds, and we all just want the same thing. We want to be loved, we want to love, and we want to survive. We want friendship and families. We want to define what those things mean to us, not be told what they are.

When Alan & I get married, we're dressing up as pirates, having my best friend get ordained by the state to marry us, we'll partake in an old Celtic tradition called handfasting (OMG HEEEEEEATHENS) we're going to be silly and fun, and there will be very little about our wedding that someone "traditional" would describe as "sacred." And our wedding night will not be our first (or our last, WINK WINK) night together as man and woman. That sacredness was defined by us when we were ready for it, not the government. And our marriage and wedding will be defined by us. We will define what our marriage means to us, not some piece of paper. The paper just makes it easier for others to recognize our union. Why is that piece of paper so hard for you to give to gay couples. They're not getting married in YOUR church, because, lets be honest, if you go to a bigoted church, they wouldn't want to anyways.

This is supposed to be a SECULAR nation. We did not establish a national religion because religion has no place in government. And since I don't believe in your religion, it's not a valid argument against anything I have said.

Nothing I have said here is new. Nothing I have said here will likely blow anyone's mind. But a few years ago I was faced with not just a divorce, but an interracial relationship that opened my eyes to how much hate there still is in "the home of the brave." And yesterday I was reminded yet again of how much easier it is to destroy the light within rather than fight the darkness all around yourself.

But I promise you, I'm not giving in.