Thursday, April 2, 2015

It's For Real

It's true, it's 100% for reals. We're going to be parents. CRAZY right?
At this point in time, I'm 12 weeks along and wrapping up my first trimester. I'm anxious, excited, nervous, over the moon, and overwhelmed. It seems like it hasn't quite set in for Alan yet, and I imagine it would be difficult since he's not the one carrying it around all day every day. And some days it's easy to forget I am, though the bigger I get the harder it is to ignore.

And the road that got me here is long, and weird, and painful, but also full of joy and discovery. I've wanted, for years and years now, to be a mom, and one of the hardest things about my divorce was realizing that this goal was going to be put off again as I started the search for a mate all over again. I wanted everything to be right and I didn't want to rush anything, and these days I'm even more grateful than ever that I don't share parenting with X. Besides how rough divorce can be on kids in the first place, I'm pretty sure both of us would have held on much longer than we should of because of a kid. And after the fact I don't think he would have been a great co-parent, seeing as just being together he regularly tried to undermine me, why wouldn't he do the same with a kid? 
Obviously this is all speculation.

But here I am! Fat, sassy, and happy. Alan's been amazing and supportive, he's taken me to doctors and the ER when I get freaked out, and he's been my partner in all the decisions we've been making about how to handle all of this. We're evaluating our options, having discussions, he's doing his research too. I feel like I have a true partner, a true co-parent. I've never felt closer to him than I do now.

Time to get baby-proofing around here, I guess!!