So, in the spirit of this blog, and in lieu of a discussion I was having with one of my bridesmaids the other evening, I am presented with an issue that is unique to those of us divorced and planning a second wedding. Seeing as my first wedding was only 4 years ago, my tastes haven't changed all that much. Not only that, Alan & I have decided to throw a themed wedding, that theme being pirates. Because we both love them.
Well I loved pirates 4 years ago too, and while our wedding wasn't themed, X and his men all wore coats that were pirate-styled. When deciding whether to go with this theme or not, I did consult Alan, and he liked it, but said that ultimately the decision to do a themed wedding was up to me. I then consulted my Maid of Honor, and BFFOMG Liz if doing a pirate theme was too close to the pirate style coats they wore in my first wedding. She voiced the concern that it might be too close, confirming my fears. After chatting it out a bit I mentioned there were other ways for the guys to dress that aren't the same as the coats worn before, it seemed feasible in my mind to do it.
Now we have begun planning out the outfits for ourselves and the bridal party. I have selected my bridesmaids' dress, and it is perfect. But when I needle Alan about his outfit and the groomsmens' attire, the things he points out all are long coats very reminiscent of X's coat. Uuuuuh no. I feel bad restricting him like that, but I don't want people seeing any link between this marriage and the first. This is about Alan & me. Not any of our previous relationships.
When speaking the other night to my bridesmaid Tiffany, she said that I shouldn't care what others think and if we want coats, to wear coats. I couldn't voice it properly at the time, but after some thought and reflection, it really is less about what others think and more about me wanting this to be something totally different because it IS something totally different. It's something amazing, and that's ALL I want to see and think about that day. I don't want to see Alan as I walk down the aisle and at all be reminded of X.
Also, I keep reminding Alan, it's going to be in August, don't make his groomsmen wear heavy, long, dark coats in August.
There are other things from my previous wedding that are a shame I can't repeat, believe me. Instead of bouquets, my ladies & I carried parasols (much needed in the hot sun!) and our favors had been sandalwood fans (also needed in the heat!), neither of which I can use again, but would totally love to. But this is a challenge, and I love challenges! I am sure it will force me to find something even MORE awesome.
On the venue front, Alan did get us our first visit to a venue, and it seems he already has his heart all a flutter on it. I am requiring him to find us more before we make any decisions of course, but really, we're buying the first house we went to look at because I fell in love with it the minute we walked in. Also, our theme makes it difficult to find a venue to suit. As I am finding out. I am, not so much forcing but encouraging strongly, that Alan take an active role in our wedding planning. So having him find our venues to look at is a part of that. He gets frustrated sometimes though. He made the mistake of showing me a venue the other day that I think is perfect and much closer than the first venue we went to see, but then informed that it is WAY THE FUCK out of our price range. Even after trying to crunch some numbers and cut some stuff, it's still way too out of our range. It breaks my heart, but Alan said he didn't like it anyways. So I'm not sure why he showed me their website if he A) didn't like it, and B) knew we couldn't afford it. *pout* So I informed him to not repeat that mistake as I am all salty about it now. I would never show him an outfit that is piratey but that he cannot afford. "OH look how cool, but you can't have it." DAMN.
I enjoy wedding planning, but even for the best of us, it is not awesome all the time.